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Commentary: One Hundred Albums You Should Remove from Your Collection Immediately
Posted on Monday, August 18 @ 08:07:02 MDT by roadrash
 News and CommentaryThis project marks the first time Jaguaro.org is giving back to the community -- something we intend to do a lot of. We would like to offer you and the rest of the world nothing more than the gift of good taste, which some people can feel threatened by. However, though many of us wear spectacles and look both ways before crossing the street, we at Jaguaro.org are a warlike bunch. We feel that it's imperative to tell you that we are offended by your CD collection.




One Hundred Albums You Should Remove from Your Collection Immediately
Edited By Wesley A. Kose

Originally published at jaguaro.org
.

This project marks the first time Jaguaro.org is giving back to the community -- something we intend to do a lot of. We would like to offer you and the rest of the world nothing more than the gift of good taste, which some people can feel threatened by. However, though many of us wear spectacles and look both ways before crossing the street, we at Jaguaro.org are a warlike bunch. We feel that it's imperative to tell you that we are offended by your CD collection.

But we have no intention of recommending hot new CDs you should play -- we trust you and know that you'll make great decisions about which albums to buy in the future. No, we have our sights locked on the CDs that you already have. We understand that from time to time, people make mistakes and we sincerely want to help excise the guilt of a pretentious, over-hyped, and simply bad music collection from your life. More importantly, we're going to help you turn your purchasing mistakes into cold, hard cash!

In the main, we have not selected easy targets for removal -- we know that you know that the Milli Vanilli album you've got stashed away in a shoebox isn't exactly kosher. Nope, we chose critical darlings and must-have releases from the past and present. Some will bristle at our audacity for questioning the worth of any Beatles release or blithely pissing on Jane's Addiction's "masterpiece." Some will maintain that we're not qualified or that we'll never make an album as great as Dark Side of the Moon and accordingly should shut our traps. The approval an artist seeks by releasing an album is not guaranteed, even if music moguls, "tastemakers," and critics agree that it is merited. As music listeners, we've taken on the very modest project of flipping through our collections, listening to them, and separating the good stuff from the bad. If the creators of the "greats," the "classics," and the "hits" want to ensure that their efforts get the praise they deserve forevermore, they should take care that they are only accessible to sympathetic critics and fans.

The entries on this list fall roughly into three categories:

  • Critically bullet-proof artifacts whose weighty presence on the shelf is complimented perfectly by their perpetual absence from the CD player. Critic-mandated vanity archives should be bundled up and spirited off to the used record store under the cover of night.

  • Albums by new artists that have only their newness and the marketing efforts of music conglomerates to recommend them. Almost invariably, these recordings pale in comparison to those of the artists they imitate. Alternately, new albums by established artists that are slavishly hailed as the big comeback get high points with us. Like nature hates a vacuum, Jaguaro despises the Next Big Thing.

  • Nostalgic favorites that maintain their place by tradition and neglect more than actual merit. These are the CDs people never get rid of because they may want to play them some time in the indefinite future (certainly not now).

We assembled this list with the help of many discerning people whose musical dark nights of the soul resulted in selling trips to the used record store and even the destruction of offending albums. Some contributors went so far as to level threats against other contributors whose entries were deemed inaccurate or offensive. We admire and encourage all such behavior. Contributors include Deborah Scherer, Peter Gorsuch, Sarah Pearson, William Chace, The Reverend Spenser Hoyt, Leviticus Sloan, Jimothy Jackilus, Azdak, Duchess, John Hoole, Betty Cruikshank, Dr. Evil, Chris Shymko, Jud Richards, Pedge Guh, and Pat Hutchins.

The entries are conveniently ranked according to the level of priority that removing them from your collection should take. Though the final list is not exhaustive, make no mistake -- it is definitive. Please drop us an e-mail and share with us how removing these albums from your collection has changed your life!

  1. The Clash - Combat Rock
    The classic lineup of the Only Band That Mattered was losing a lot of common ground by the time they recorded their last album together. Joe Strummer's obsession with Beat didactics, Mick Jones' infatuation with classic rock stardom and Topper Headon's addiction to heroin weakened the vision and dynamics that fueled their best albums and made a mess out of Combat Rock. As a result, decent tracks like "Straight to Hell," "Ghetto Defendant" and "Should I Stay or Should I Go" can't compete against crap like "Know Your Rights," "Atom Tan" and "Overpowered by Funk." Of course, the album was a hit and completist fans like me may never part with it. But initiates would do well to stick with the earlier albums, or at least the Clash on Broadway box set.

  2. U2 - The Joshua Tree
    Oh, to be earnest, politically correct, Christian, and filthy rich. It's been 15 years since the birth of this critical and popular favorite, and U2-worship still hasn't been eradicated. When will it stop? When you do the right thing and retire this pompous collection of religious rock songs, that's when.

  3. Nirvana - Nevermind
    Yeah, yeah - I realize that this is the one that broke grunge's doors wide open and made Seattle a place to be reckoned with. Are we sure that's good? At best, Nevermind is an overrated Pixies tribute album that was blasted from every goddamn dorm room I skulked past in college (instead of the Pixies). Not to mention the fact that alt-rawk stations have bled this album of any magic it might have had by overplaying it. Fair to middling at best, but not the Second Coming. And "Smells Like Teen Spirit" IS the "Stairway to Heaven" of our generation, folks. This is the record you will embarrass your children with.

  4. Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band - Trout Mask Replica
    If an untruth gets repeated enough, it takes on the appearance of fact. I'm tired of reading about this cacophonous, arrhythmic "masterpiece." Now's the time to rescind Don Van Vliet's "genius" status by eighty-sixing this.

  5. The Beatles - Let It Be
    Too much Paul (the seeds of Wings are evident), not enough John and George (R.I.P.). Maybe it was a good thing they broke up when they did. You know, it's OK to not own every single Beatles album, and you can still streamline your collection by selling this unnecessary final release. I wonder if the syrupy title track and "The Long And Winding Road" contributed to Lennon's primal scream therapy and the recording of Plastic Ono Band?

  6. The Replacements - Tim
    In 1985, Reagan joked about bombing the Soviets, "St. Elmos Fire" burned in the memory of moviegoers and A-Ha dared us to "Take on Me." So it's no surprise that the album the 'Mats released that year was devoured by any rock fan with a modicum of taste. But that was then. Now, Tim sounds muddy next to its predecessor Let It Be and not nearly as inspired as its follow-up Pleased to Meet Me. The album helped us through some dark times, but its usefulness has long since expired.

  7. The Police - Synchronicity
    That this album is considered a classic is quite a feat for a collection of songs that Keith Richards deemed suitable for a dentist's waiting room. Certainly, no album dealing with topics such as stalking, psychological abuse, betrayal and silent desperation has ever sounded so homogenized or made less thought-provoking pronouncements. To enjoy Synchronicity is to consider one's self to be socially enlightened without having to dredge up any real empathy.

  8. Lou Reed - Transformer
    "Walk on the Wild Side" and "Satellite of Love" should also be copied or purchased through a hits compilation. As for the other songs on Reed's second solo effort, would you spend $15 just to hear lyrics like "Hey you gotta live your life as though you're number one/Yeah, you gotta live yeah your life and make a point of having some fun"?

  9. Miles Davis - Bitches Brew
    You fantasize that your friends come over and admire you for having this album don't you? Yeah, too bad you can't fucking stand this shrill, rambling, incoherent mess. Oh, and if you've got The Complete Bitches Brew Sessions, you should probably just give it up and sell your entire collection, you poser.

  10. David Bowie - Hunky Dory
    Stale glam rock from a notoriously inconsistent icon. Half the songs here are bloody awful, and the rest are just so-so. Warning: just because an album is re-released with bonus tracks does not necessarily mean it's good. "Andy Warhol" is simply one of the worst songs ever written, and "Kooks" and "The Bewlay Brothers" aren't much better. This record isn't fit to be mentioned in the same breath as The Rise And Fall Of Ziggy Stardust & The Spiders From Mars.

  11. Nick Cave - The Boatman's Call
    Just about any post-Birthday Party Cave belongs on this list. Pompous poetics for punks who miss their college lit classes. If someone can argue that the title "Brompton Oratory" means anything more than Cave likes to sound erudite, I'm listening. The music? As hot-aired as the master's musings.

  12. Led Zeppelin - Physical Graffiti
    The primary inspiration for This Is Spinal Tap, and that's not a compliment. All the years of Quaaludes and teenage groupies culminated in this plodding, faux-blues double LP. The moronic "Kashmir" is ten minutes of pure torture and is symbolic of the entire affair. Albums like this helped usher in the 70s punk explosion, though, so I guess it's not a total disaster.

  13. Stereolab - Transient Random-Noise Bursts with Announcements
    This would do just fine for somebody who wants to be associated with "arty" music but that has no real preference beyond that. Do you really want people to look at you in this light? Transient Random-Noise is nothing more than a collection of artful and/or ironic poses snatched up from obvious, if more interesting sources. Lose the Stereolab.

  14. Oasis - What's the Story, Morning Glory?
    Let the wash of guitars subside for a minute and just listen to the lyrics of Britpop's object d' art. Lots of June-spoon-moon rhyming, eh? So you say. Let this be the day. To sell your copy on Ebay.

  15. Echo and the Bunnymen - Heaven Up Here
    This is the all-time worst album with the best cover. The image of the band silhouetted against a dark, damp shore promises moody, atmospheric music on a par with The Doors or Joy Division. But by the end of the album's third song, "Over The Wall," you'll wonder if you ever heard so much pompous whining in your life. By the time "All I Want" ends this teary-de-force, you'll vow never to complain again.

  16. Public Enemy - Apocalypse '91 - The Enemy Strikes Black
    After Nation of Millions and Fear of a Black Planet, Chuck D. and Flavor Flav found out millions of black and white ears were waiting for the next album. Too bad they knew their audience had grown. Far from testing new ears, each song on Apocalypse panders to expectations for protest and agitprop. No subtleties or true evocations of inner-city life here -- just a variety of easy platitudes and anti-media pieties like "A Letter to the NY Post." Keep it between you and the OpEd page, Chuck.

  17. Pearl Jam - Vs.
    "Ed Vedder" says it best himself (courtesy of an Amazon.com reviewer for whom English is not, I suspect, a first language): "When I made this album I can't even begin to tell you how much I was in love with my music. This a work of art culminating from the raw sound of Ten that begins a journey on the unpredictable era that we are in now. Thank you for enjoying my music."

  18. Death Cab for Cutie - Something About Airplanes
    Don't believe the hype. It's Sunny Day Real Estate lite. I mean: diet Built to Spill. Wait! New Coke. I like the packaging; it has vellum and everything, but all the brass staples in the world couldn't justify the attention these shiny darlings get.

  19. Beck - Midnite Vultures
    Wow, he sounds like Rick James and Prince too -- so cool! He really "wears his influences on his sleeve," doesn't he? Yeah! Great lyrics -- very postmodern! He really "has his tongue firmly planted in his cheek" doesn't he? You should know that Beck is the Christina Aguilera of the indie set -- sell this piece of shit while you still can.

  20. Fugazi - 13 Songs
    Okay, Ian, we get it - don't drink, don't smoke, what do you do? Oh yeah, that's right, BE A BORING PREACHY MOTHERFUCKER. Get drunk and use this one as your beer coaster.

  21. Derek and the Dominoes - Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs
    The title track is a classic, "Bell Bottom Blues" is a top-drawer ballad and "Little Wing" is the most spirited Hendrix cover recorded. But the rest of this double album set is bloated by meandering jams, Eric Clapton's self-pitying yowls and the bootlicking of bandmates who are all too happy to bask in his indulgent limelight. Don't enable this vanity. Burn the best songs, or at least buy a greatest hits CD.

  22. The Who - Tommy
    A couple of decent songs wrapped around a lot of filler. You know, there was a time when big operatic themes and bombast were pretty cool. That time was last century.

  23. Tom Waits - Mule Variations
    Maybe this is cutting-edge for VH-1, but we know better because we have Rain Dogs and Swordfishtrombones, and this is an almost song-by-song remake of the two, and thus unnecessary. I hate to even ask this, but has Tom Waits run out of ideas? Sell this disappointment and free up a space on your shelf.

  24. Nine Inch Nails - Pretty Hate Machine
    Since you've updated your collection with Marilyn Manson albums, are you really going to pull this one out? And if so, are you also going to put onyour sister's old black tights that you ripped full of holes just to wear to the concert back in 1995? Probably not, because by the time the second song is over, you will be ill with memories of Doc Martens and bad dye jobs.

  25. Beastie Boys - Paul's Boutique
    People sometimes ask me, "President Bush, why are you always railing against the Beastie Boys?" Well, let me tell you -- they fucking suck. To the numerous victims of an unwarranted and pre-mature Beastie Boys nostalgia, I must point out that their delivery (itself lifted from aging raps) has not changed an iota since the release of this much-ballyhooed 1989 release. Subtract out the know-it-all frat boy "humor" and borrowed kitsch and you got zilch. Many tap Paul's Boutique as their masterpiece, which is simply false -- only the Dust Brothers' production lifts the album out of the trash heap. Until Paul's Boutique is properly relabeled and filed under "Dust Brothers" at record stores, removing this album from your collection is an ethical imperative. If you do not, the terrorists have already won.

  26. U2 - Zooropa
    After capably adding techno touches to the masterful Achtung Baby, U2 spent the rest of the '90s vainly chasing after the muses of trip-hop, acid jazz and rave. Although Zooropa was deemed challenging and ahead of its time by fans who listened to nothing but anthem-rock, time has proven tracks like "Stay," "Daddy's Gonna Pay for Your Crashed Car" and "Dirty Day" to be mediocre songs that were considered cool because they sounded weird.

  27. The Posies - Dear 23
    We're so smart. WE didn't get married in college. WE didn't even go to college, so now we'll write songs making fun of everyone beneath us. (See King Missile's "Sensitive Artist" for details).

  28. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Blood Sugar Sex Magik
    These "funksters" are a testament to the triumph of style over substance in modern music. Once you get past the tattoos, piercings, and tube socks on their cocks, the Chili Peppers were just another over-hyped L.A. band. Don't accept anything less than 50 cents when you sell this disc at your used record store. Give it away give it away give it away now.

  29. Macy Gray - On How Life Is
    They say this was a real tour de force. Nu-Soul, they call it. Right, and she sounds like Nina Simone and Sly Stone. Jesus people, you'd think There's a Riot Goin' On was out of print. This fluff will have the longevity of a fruit fly.

  30. White Stripes - White Blood Cells
    I know that they're absolutely adorable, they may or may not be siblings (how mysterious!), and they turn down million-dollar Gap ads, but is anyone tired of The White Stripes yet? I guess indie rock hipsters are as starved for something seemingly new as the general public is, though I thought we already went through this bluesy punk thing in the early-90s with the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion. Now that it's 2002, you can safely close the books on The White Stripes (and The Strokes) without losing your indie cred.

  31. Chemical Bothers - Dig Your Own Hole
    This seminal "big beat" album panders to your worst impulses. You bought it because you like rock and would like hip hop if it weren't for all the rapping that tends to accompany it. So the Chemical Brothers have obliged with a slickly-produced rock album with hip hop beats, sans inscrutable rhyming jabber. Shame on you.

  32. Flaming Lips - The Soft Bulletin
    Maybe in this band's hometown of Oklahoma City folks think it would be cool if Led Zeppelin and Yes joined forces to back Neil Young on "A Man Needs A Maid." Well, folks in most other parts think the idea of Jimmy Page and Rick Wakeman playing together while Young warbles away would sound like a monstrosity. And trying to approximate the sound of this fantasy jam is just sad. As sad and unlistenable as this album.

  33. Jefferson Airplane - Surrealistic Pillow
    Gosh - do I even need to explain this one? LSD-addled San Francisco hippies form a rock band, sing about Alice In Wonderland and other "groovy" subjects, and we're still paying the price on FM radio and in Vietnam War movies. This album is a total bummer, man.

  34. Dave Brubeck - Time Out
    My dad said that when he was a young hipster when this was released in 1959, it was de rigueur own this to make your record collection cool, even if you never stuck it on your turntable. Times haven't changed - you never play this one either. Admit it and get rid of it.

  35. Beastie Boys - Hello Nasty
    Hey gramps, gimme that microphone. This shit really takes the cake. I bet you think that owning this "rap" album makes you feel "well-rounded" or "worldly" or something.

  36. Prince - Emancipation
    Quit buying every single Goddamned Prince release! Don't you know he fell off in like '89? You bought this 3-CD set because you thought that the sheer number of songs guaranteed a few keepers. You were wrong.

  37. John Coltrane - Giant Steps
    Most jazz created after the Big Band era is essentially musical masturbation (and like masturbation, if you must do it, you should do it in private!). It's self-indulgent noodling interesting only to the person playing it, a few fetishists, and lots of pseudo-intellectuals and wannabe hipsters who have to pretend to like it because it's "cool." Like porno, it's dismissive of and degrading to both the performer and the viewer. People who watch porno do so alone for a reason... it's embarrassing. Some pornos are glossier and prettier than others, and Coltrane may be the John Holmes of jazz, but porno is still porno, and Giant Steps is still a tedious, embarrassing, snoozer of an album.

  38. Frank Zappa & The Mothers of Invention - We're Only In It For The Money
    While skewering hippies is certainly cool, and Zappa's moral character is above reproach, this whole enterprise reeks of that scourge known as jazz fusion. It also sounds remarkably like the acid-rock they're supposedly ridiculing. Don't believe the critical hype.

  39. Wilco - Being There
    I will never understand how this scattered, slipshod mess was praised so loudly, while Son Volt continues to fly under the radar. While A.M. was enjoyable, though lightweight, Being There just serves to prove that Jay Farrar was the Lennon to Jeff Tweedy's McCartney.

  40. Morrissey - Morrissey
    Now that I'm older and pretty sure I'm heterosexual, my Morrissey albums just don't get much play, except when I'm feeling sorry for myself - then there's nothing sweeter than the croon of the coiffured one. I remember when Kurt Cobain killed himself, Morrissey was quoted as saying he wondered if he would have had the courage to do that. Well, we can always wish.

  41. Pulp Fiction - Original Soundtrack
    It was inevitable to have this in '94, but now you're over the cheeky Neil Diamond cover, you've heard "Miserlou" 800 times, and you've bought Al Green's Greatest Hits. It's time to get on with your life, isn't it?

  42. The Police - Zenyatta Mondatta
    To paraphrase: "T-Toss-toss-toss, This out-out-out/That's all I have to say to you." Keep Outlandos d'Amour and Regatta de Blanc. Everything else is overwhelmed by the shallow ball of ego that is Sting.

  43. The Kinks - Arthur - Or the Decline and Fall of the British Empire
    It's easy to romanticize the Kinks as artistes victimized by the trendiness of '60s rock. But those who think this 1969 concept album about dying British values should have been as popular as Tommy should listen again. Ray Davies makes his point in each song by the end of the first verse and... then makes the point a couple more times. All this while the band hides their uninspired playing behind a half-assed horn section. "Victoria" and "Shangri La" are the best of this lot and can be found on The Kink Kronikles.

  44. Jane's Addiction - Nothing's Shocking
    Self-indulgent, derivative pap from the most overrated so-called "alternative" band. "Hey guys, are we metal, goth, or art-school?" These poseurs are neither shocking nor original.

  45. Celine Dion - Colour of My Love
    This freakish French Canadian warbler is... oh fuck it. You already know this sucks.

  46. Helmet - Meantime
    Despite the fact that Helmet has its share of imitators these days, they're hardly ready for Hall of Fame induction. At the time, they seemed like Fugazi's dark, pissed off, mysterious cousin that...ya know...rocked. Now, it just sounds militant and irrelevant. Haven't put it on for years.

  47. Smashing Pumpkins - Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness
    For those who raved over this post-grunge magnum opus six years ago, just reading the title should make you cringe. The "Dawn to Dusk"/"Twilight to Starlight" themes should make you wince. Lines like "the world is a vampire" should make you avert your eyes. Billy Corgan's presumption that Mellon Collie would be The Wall of the '90s should make you trade this for anything else that includes "1979."

  48. XTC - White Music
    Overly hyperactive noodlings from a band without an identity. Even the much ballyhooed "Along The Watchtower" cover isn't all that, and what's the point after Hendrix's version? Too lightweight for punk, too breakneck-speed for pop, it's just plain irritating. Go for Drums And Wires and Black Sea instead.

  49. Sonic Youth - Daydream Nation
    Has anyone actually listened to this album all the way through, I mean without fast forwarding through "The Sprawl or skipping over "Rain King" or wishing even "Teen Age Riot" was just a little bit shorter? Okay, so "Total Trash" is still one of SY's best songs, maybe because for a moment the art-symphonic pretensions are put aside (I won't even get into the SYR collaborations - yawn) and the band's content to rock a recognizable melody.

  50. Cocteau Twins - Heaven or Las Vegas
    My ex-girlfriend stole this when she moved out (though I kept her copy of Everything But the Girl's Amplified Heart- fair trade?), and man am I glad she did. It may be Elizabeth Fraser's sexiest performance, but have you listened to the lyrics? Okay, that's a trick question - the vocals are indecipherable for a reason - but next time you feel yourself getting ethereal try keeping your feet on the ground, won't you? And don't even think of putting on that Dead Can Dance disc!

  51. Radiohead - I Might be Wrong: Live Recordings/Built To Spill - Live
    Both of these bands are practically fellated by critics and fans alike, as if there's something new and exciting happening in their studio work. One is a Neil Young retread, and the other is a Neil Young ripoff. People, people: classic rock is not dead, just getting plastic surgery. Meanwhile, both bands release live albums that are just chaff to fulfill their contract obligations cheaply. All live albums suck, and these are no exception.

  52. Mogwai - Come On Die Young
    What's wrong with you people? Are you all hopped up on goofballs? If you are, maybe this album has some sort of appeal. But get yourself sober and then try listening to it. Soundscapes, my ass! This album is boooooooooooooooooring! So very very boring. Give me something I can use, would ya? A hook or two... Something! Anything!

  53. Hole - Live Through This
    Part of me wanted to leave this blank, because the band and album's legacy speak for themselves. Courtney Love is famous for fucking dead rock stars and stealing things that don't belong to her. She is not talentless, however: she's got a gift for self-promotion that makes one want to break shit. Like her fucking records, for instance. The "music" Hole makes is complete and utter crap. On the upside, nice tits, honey.

  54. Tori Amos - Under the Pink
    If I have to hear one more time about how, even though I don't like her music, I should at least be impressed with her [fill in musical ability here]. Frankly, I don't feel I have to and you shouldn't be made to feel that way either! It's okay to not like this album or any of her music, trust me.

  55. Arrested Development - 3 Years, 5 Months, & 2 Days In The Life Of...
    This is non-threatening rap-lite for sensitive white liberals who want to "keep it real" and experience hip-hop safely. Some used record stores will still pay $3.00 to take this off your hands, so what are you waiting for?

  56. No Doubt - Tragic Kingdom
    Ska? No, not ska. Pop. Feminist? No, not feminist. Victimist. Blonde? No, not blonde. Bleach. Good? No, not good. Bad.

  57. Love and Rockets - Earth, Sun, Moon
    This album asks the musical question: Are we deep if we play acoustic guitars and record in weird echoey voices? Thanks for playing, boys.
  58. Ben Folds Five - Whatever and Ever, Amen
    You KNOW you own this. Again, he's not deep just because he plays the piano, and bitterness doesn't necessarily make good music.

  59. Elvis Presley - From Elvis In Memphis
    Pre-cursor to the 1970s Las Vegas lounge-act Elvis, this is cheesy adult pop for your parents. Why is this 1969 "comeback" touted as the greatest Elvis album ever? Just buy The Sun Sessions and send this hunk of burnin' love back to Graceland.

  60. Alejandro Escovedo - Bourbonitis Blues
    It used to be that Alejandro Escovedo's songs about love, loss and life on the road appealed to anyone who craved soulful music. But this guy can't stop singing about getting drunk, getting chumped and celebrating those who use him like a doormat. By the time he covers "Sex Beat" by Gun Club on Bourbonitis, you want to say "in your dreams."

  61. Rancid - And Out Come The Wolves
    Don't let the mohawks and combat boots fool you, kids - these chumps are the Black Crowes of "punk," aided and abetted by the loathsome Epitaph label. Buy The Specials and The Clash and give this CD a good old-fashioned curb-stomping.

  62. Green Day - Dookie
    In the aftermath of Nirvana's demise, this band came along and made "alternative" rock fun again for the kids. I'd like to believe that Green Day's success led its fans to discover the The Buzzcocks and The Jam, the two bands from which Green Day unabashedly took its sound, but I suspect not. Dookie is a dated piece of pop culture detritus and belongs in the Museum of Teen Fads, not on your CD shelf.

  63. Rush - Moving Pictures
    If it looks like prog rock and smells like prog rock, it's prog rock. This is not, I repeat, NOT a viable alternative to Yes, E.L.P., and all the other wankers from that bloated 70s scene. Is there anything more grating than Geddy Lee's shrill vocals? Add the smug instrumental chops, and you've got an unfortunate cultural phenomenon that still seems to be going strong.

  64. Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Moon
    Those who were raised on this album have put it in long term storage since it became a resurrected hit on campus and could be heard blaring from every goddamn dorm room in between "Fly Like an Eagle" and "Margaritaville," which resulted in sickness, depression, and even academic failure for those who would rather remember Floyd as a childhood soundtrack, but were then no longer able.

  65. Sarah McLachlan - Fumbling Towards Ecstasy, Surfacing
    You get to keep ONE. Which one? Flip a coin. It won't make any difference.

  66. Ani DiFranco - Self-titled/Puddle Dive/Not So Soft
    These CDs attest to why developing artists don't usually release albums. Ani was too stubborn to spare us. Two decent songs from three cds is a sad ratio.

  67. Paula Cole - This Fire
    Ah, step by grueling step through Paula's therapy sessions. She's angry! She's repressed. She's angry! She's happy. She's outraged...(see track listing for sense of closure).

  68. Einst�rzende Neubauten - Kollaps
    Der gelegentliche H�rer w�rde solchen Mi�klang nie verstehen - und hat damit einen wichtigen Punkt, weil die Kotze auf dieser Platte eigentlich fucking unlistenable ist.

  69. U2 - War
    "We do make, and we will continue to make, soul music. Soul music is when you bring what's on the inside to the outside." (Bono, 1983) --Actually, defecating is when you bring what's on the inside to the outside, Mr. MacPhisto. Well done with 1983's War.

  70. Gin Blossoms - New Miserable Experience
    In 1992, college dorms and fraternities were drowning in this whiny, self-absorbed power pop. A decade later finds this aural melodrama aging quite miserably.

  71. Counting Crows - August and Everything After
    Start with stale '70s pop-rock formula, reheat in early '90s crock pot, stir in "moody" MTV videos and pour out over-ripe moneymaker CD slop.

  72. Offspring - Smash
    Do you really need to be told to get rid of this album? To label these schmucks as punk is an insult to all the actual punk bands past and present. This shit was THE soundtrack to all those slammin' fraternity parties back in 1994. The Delta Tau brothers couldn't get enough of that "keep 'em separated" song (hell, they learned how to "mosh" to this band!), but you've had enough, and so have I. This horse manure isn't "pretty fly for a white guy," or any other guy for that matter.

  73. The Cult - Electric
    This album, and band, was laughable even back in those heady butt-rock days of the late-80s. While aping Zeppelin isn't reason enough to dismiss a band entirely, The Cult adds a Doors-like pretension to the equation, resulting in a completely derivative album. Just look at the picture of these wankers on the album's front cover if you have any doubts about Electric's merit.

  74. The Beatles - Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band
    Nearly killing rock and roll in the name of 'psychedelia' by adding strings and excessive production. You pretentious Limeys, Sinatra had been doing the same thing for years!!

  75. Michelle Shocked - Captain Swing and Sinead O'Connor - Am I Not Your Girl?
    Michelle's songs had more heart recorded on a walkman (Texas Campfire Tapes). I know you both wanted to salute your roots; next time, just write a letter, okay?

  76. Erykah Badu - Mama's Gun
    Soul has one of the deepest and most compelling back catalogs of any genre, which sets the bar dauntingly high for the new soul kids on the block. Baduizm's (relative) originality and welcome hip hop accents made it one of the few keepers among "Nu Soul" releases. Badu's second album, Mama's Gun, is comparatively lackluster, if more coherent and refined. Use the proceeds of this sale to buy the 12-inch of "Bag Lady," which is better than the album version.

  77. Dinosaur Jr. - You're Living All Over Me
    What is the big fucking deal with this album? Should we really be celebrating the return of the 1970s wanky guitar solo to indie rock? (don't even get me started on Built to Spill) Murky production, marble-mouthed vocals from J. Mascis � surely you grew out of this one years ago, but in case you forgot to do so, this is just a gentle reminder to purge this and all Dinosaur Jr. albums from your collection at once.

  78. Cat Stevens - Footsteps in the Dark
    How many times do you have to watch Harold and Maude before you get the not-so-deep message? This album makes me happy he converted.

  79. The Wallflowers - Self-titled
    If not for Jakob's last name, this album would be languishing in the back bins with lesser-known male pop singer/songwriters like Freedy Johnston, David Gray, Jude Cole, Lloyd Cole, and others more deserving.

  80. R.E.M. - Out of Time
    It's sad to see an old favorite finally cross over into Adult Contemporary territory. Long-time fans suspected something was awry with R.E.M.'s previous LP, the major label debut Green, but this sickly sweet follow up still dealt a major blow to college radio and discerning music fans everywhere. How can you manage to sit through the opening track, "Radio Song," without dying from embarrassment? I guess Michael Stipe wanted to show he's down with KRS-ONE since Sonic Youth got Chuck D. to guest on THEIR album the previous year. R.E.M. even manages to make KRS sound flat, and that's no small feat.

  81. The Presidents of the United States of America - Self-titled
    Look, just because they're not selling anything with these jingles doesn't make them ARTISTS.

  82. Russell Simins - Public Places
    Providing the backbeat to the Blues Explosion is no small feat. It's too bad Simins can't be happy doing what he does best. I said it when Grohl strapped on the ax...you're massive on the kit, so get your ass back there and stop trying to be the front man - you're destined for mediocrity. I wanted to like these songs more than I actually did... rather juvenile shit.

  83. Grateful Dead - ALL RECORDINGS
    One of my favorite bumper stickers reads, "Jerry's dead, The Grateful Dead suck, get a life." When clean and sober individuals with a sense of pitch listen to any Dead recording, they will be immediately struck by the fact that everyone in the band plays out of tune. Unless you're still dropping acid weekly and pulling out your remastered copies of Workingman's Dead and American Beauty while you're tripping, it's time you heeded the words of my favorite bumper sticker.

  84. Pink - Missundaztood
    Oh come on! Really now. Why should this one NOT be on the list? Give me one good reason, and I'll take it off! Eh? See?! There are none. While a couple of the songs on here are jiggy, once you've heard them for the third time, you're ready to cock your gun and shoot someone. And those are the GOOD songs.

  85. Husker Du - Zen Arcade
    When I was striving to be hip and cutting edge, I learned this was the record to have. The first time around, it sounded rather like an unlistenable mess. But I was determined and sure that repeated listenings would reveal depth and profound insight. The tenth time around, it still was an unlistenable mess.

  86. Bob Marley & the Wailers - Legend
    While there's nothing inherently wrong with Bob Marley or the song selection on this greatest hits collection, there is something wrong with the omnipresence of this CD. It is the Hotel California or "Stairway to Heaven" of the reggae world, which means that its fans have ruined the album for everyone, including you, by playing it into the ground. Every Birkenstock-wearing, hackey-sack-playing, REI-shopping bastard in the whole world has played this disc at every party, gathering, and road trip in the history of the world, and I for one have had enough. Now it's my turn to get up and stand up for MY rights. If you don't remove this from your collection, I will.

  87. Madonna - The Immaculate Collection
    This is NOT the immaculate collection. All of her good stuff was produced AFTER this sampling of songs was collected. Even with the big resurgence of popular 80s hits back on the airwaves, her best stuff is definitely post-80s. That's my vote, and I'm stickin' to it!

  88. The Spunk - Spunk's Not Dead
    Gads, this is one of those supposedly highly influential bands that old "hipsters" are always trying to turn people on to. It sounds outdated, it *is* outdated. I don't care how much fuckin' Lou Reed or your local indie record store crush spouts off about it. Give it a rest and return it to the sale bin where it belongs.

  89. Bad Brains - Rock For Light
    It's difficult for me to say this, but Bad Brains kind of sucks. I've always wanted to like this group a lot � the idea of black Rastafarians from Washington D.C. pumping out hardcore punk is a very intriguing one. The problem, as this album demonstrates, is that orthodox hardcore doesn't stand the test of time very well. Every song is two minutes long, has very little melody, features mediocre songwriting, and contains very little in the way of dynamics. The only good songs on the album are the reggae tracks, frankly, and you can find better practitioners of reggae elsewhere.

  90. Sting - Ten Summoner's Tales
    Is anybody else as sick of Sting as I am? I don't understand how someone can go from being totally original, starting out in punk and rock, transitioning to jazz, and then to absolute CRAP pop? What the hell? Next he'll be doing country-western, and I ain't buyin' it.

  91. Sublime - Self-titled
    "What I Got's" a frightening frat-house flashback every time I hear this fucking album. Gap khaki chinos, Abercrombie pull-overs, white collegiate ball caps, shivering sorority chicks, Lycra t-shirts, midriff, the Liquor Control Board, Jessica Phillips, cheese, the top bunk. Did I mention Everclear?

  92. Violent Femmes - Violent Femmes
    This album that sounded so naughty and cool back when you were 17 now just sounds really embarrassing. Yeesh.

  93. INXS - Listen Like Thieves
    Michael Hutchence and his mates were basically in the same tier of rock music as Mr. Mister and the Hooters, except with a very dangerous edge. While this album can have a black hole-like nostalgic pull, I urge you to listen to it with friends. After the initial nods of recognition at "What You Need" and "Listen Like Thieves" pass, requests for another selection will rightly follow. Sweep aside fond memories -- INXS is acknowledged by the State of California to be associated with cancer in lab rats.

  94. The Roots - Things Fall Apart
    Aside from the Black Thought/Mos Def collaboration on "Double Trouble," this critical darling is frankly unremarkable among hip hop releases. The novelty of having live, competent musicians playing behind a rapper shouldn't leave anybody in a lather, but unfortunately it has. Subtract out the live musicians and you've got a third-rate MC in Black Thought. Take him out of the equation and all that remains is a funk band with a painfully homogenous sound.

  95. The Prodigy - Music for the Jilted Generation
    The album that married the quasi-anonymous, "underground" culture of techno to rock's pathetic culture of celebrity. MTV videos with dancers and Johnny Lydon lookalikes only served to make the music tedious. Further, The Prodigy gets extra removal points for being a pioneer of the combination of rapping and the Big Guitar Sound and can be at least partly blamed for the pallid rock/rap wasteland that is pop music these days.

  96. Beastie Boys - Check Your Head/Ill Communication
    The Beastie Boys' third album saw their only innovations: some live instrumentation and distorted vocals! What followed was a renaissance in music. What also followed was Ill Communication, which sported, of all things, live instrumentation, distorted vocals and some chanting monks. Just as the Chinese suppression of Tibet's national aspirations must end, so must the Beastie Boys' unwarranted grip on the public imagination.

  97. The Doors - The Best of the Doors
    Jesus, this crap has been so played out through my lifetime that I'm surprised it's not on fucking grocery store muzak by now! Even the "classic rock" stations don't play it anymore. And those annoying NPR interviews with Ray Manzarek at the piano don't help it one bit.

  98. Alicia Keys - Songs in A Minor
    Anybody who sings "A real woman/knows a real man/always comes first," and means it, needs a good pummeling. And we already have Prince to do the Prince songs for us. I'd choose the Artist over the Non-Artist any day.

  99. The Wu Tang Clan - The W
    Since the used CD bins are already brimming with this disaster of an album, you probably had better send it out with the trash. Though opinions vary as to which, there is said to be one good song on this album. It is not, however, the lead single, "Gravel Pit," whose sampled hook Cypress Hill had used in 1991. Ah for the days, long passed, when a new Wu Tang release sent a buzz through the hip hop-loving land. Don't even think of buying Iron Flag, the new Wu joint.

  100. Kool Keith - Black Elvis
    When such gems as the Ultramagnetic MCs albums, Octagon, and Sex Style came out, legions of kiddies were prepared to become Kool Keith completists. Unfortunately, this album marks the point when Kool Keith's ideas finally ran dry. Every release since has been unspeakably bland and/or offputtingly personal (ten songs about how shitty the record industry is, anyone?). It's a shame.


Note: This is one of the funniest review/commentary pieces I've ever read. While I don't agree with all of the selections I was certainly entertained throughout the whole piece.

 

 
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